A mother was picking her son from the nursery ,the boy asks her “May I play in the playground?”.
The mother replied “Ok but only 5 minutes we can’t stay long I have many things to do ,I don’t have time to stay and play more than that”
On their way home,the child request from his mom to eat Mac Donald’s , the mother refused and said ” No,we can’t have burger now, enough request!”
When they are at home,the boy starts to play in the house ,he dropped a vase by mistake the mother reaction ” stop destroying things in the house! “
These are the two hours the mother spent with her son after picking him from the school
What message did the child received in these three situations
1- His mother approval to play in the playground but not so long, as I have other priorities than you (this is not what the mother said ,this s the message received by the kid)
2-His mother refused to get him Mac Donald without giving him any consideration nor understanding for his request
3- “Stop to destroy the house ” I am a destroyer ,this will be the child belief about himself ,especially if this is repeated frequently , he will really start to drop ,destroy things but this time he will do it intentionally
Small comments we say to our children are the reason for their behavior ,for their stubbornness for their negative attitude not only that, it shapes their beliefs ,their personalities
What we can do ,how should I behave positively in these situations
1- Give yourself few seconds to think before you talk and reply to your child
2- If you said any negative comments “like you are stupid ,stop destroying” ,review your comments,ask yourself if you were in your child place what you would like to hear from your parents ,judge yourself as a parent,challenge your comments
3- Train yourself to say the same message but positively
Here are other suggestions that you can say
1- In the playground situation you can say “OK LET’S PLAY TOGETHER for 5 minutes” and when the time passes “can we leave now as I need to leave”
When you consider your child priorities without conditions he will be able to listen to you
2-In the Mac Donald situation the mother could reply and say ” oh I know you love the burger but I am sorry we can’t have it now when we go home we can order it”
Ensure to stick to your promise when you go home
Keep your promise to your child so they keep their promise with you,show them understanding so they can understand you
3-When the boy dropped the vase,you could say “I know you didn’t want to break it but next time can you please be more conscious, can you play with your toys “
Give them opportunity to learn from their mistakes
In our classes we give simple tools to manage your stress as parent especially in these challenges moments and to communicate positively and calmly with your child
It s your choice either to raise just an obedient child by yelling and threatening or to raise a cooperative child by being a positive mindful parent
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